A lot of times we focus so much on what we’re going to say next, that we don’t actually listen to the person who is speaking. We’re either too busy thinking about our response, or racking our brains for something relevant to add.
However, that’s not really being a good friend and the other person knows we’re not listening and it makes our relationship with them not be as GOOD as it can be, as DEEP, unless we are actually listening and processing (thinking about) what they are saying.
Being a good listener is essential in any relationship – whether it be with a friend, family member, or spouse. Here are 10 qualities of a good listener so you can know how to get better at it and really be a better friend!
10 Qualities Of A Good Listener
First, before we determine HOW to become a good listener, we must know if we ARE already a good listener…
How To Know If You’re Not A Good Listener
Ever find yourself nodding along in conversation, only to realize later that you have no idea what the other person just said? If so, you’re not alone. In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get distracted and miss important details. However, being a good listener is crucial for both personal and professional relationships. So how can you tell if you need to work on your listening skills?
One sign that you’re not really listening is if you’re always waiting for your turn to speak. Instead of truly hearing what the other person is saying, you’re simply thinking about what you want to say next.
Another sign is if you get easily distracted by things like your phone or the TV. If you find yourself constantly checking your text messages or trying to catch up on the latest episode of your favorite show, it’s a good indication that you’re not giving the conversation your full attention.
A third sign to know if you’re not really listening is if you start thinking about other things while they are speaking. Your engagement is not on them, it’s on what is going on inside your brain. You’re a million miles away and not really HEARING them.
If you’re not sure if you’re a good listener, ask yourself these questions:
Do people feel like they can talk to you and confide in you?
Do people feel heard when they speak to you?
If the answer is no, then you might not be as good of a listener as you think you are.
But it’s ok! There are qualities of a good listener you can learn and adapt to today! These qualities will have you become a better listener in no time!
Being a good listener is one of the most important skills you can have. Whether you’re communicating with your boss, kids, husband, coworkers, even customers, being able to listen attentively can help you to better understand their needs and find solutions to problems.
1. They make eye contact
Eye contact is essential for good communication. When we make eye contact with someone, we are letting them know that we are present and engaged in the conversation.
Good listeners make eye contact with the speaker to show that they are interested in what is being said. It helps you not only to seem like you’re listening, but actually listen! You’re present and in the moment, and this shows when you’re making eye contact.
2. They don’t interrupt
In order to be a good listener, you need to be respectful of the speaker and fully engage with what they’re saying. This means not interrupting them, even if you think you know where they’re going with their story or you want to add your own experiences.
Sometimes you’ll interrupt to really connect with them more too (like when they’re talking, you’ll say, “Yah, YAH!” in agreeance). Something like that is okay but full on interrupting them makes them feel devalued.
Interrupting shows that you’re not interested in what the other person has to say, and it can be very frustrating for the speaker. They wait for you to complete your thoughts before responding, and you should be polite and wait for them as well.
3. They ask questions
They want to know more about what you’re saying and they’re interested in the topic. A good listener is someone who is interested in what you have to say. They will ask questions about the topic and try to get to know more about it.
4. They pay attention
One of the qualities of a good listener is someone who pays attention. They are interested in what you have to say and they make an effort to understand.
They also remember what you have told them, which shows that they were paying attention.
Good listeners make you feel heard and understood, and they create a rapport that builds trust. When you’re talking to a good listener, you know that they are fully present and that they value what you have to say.
This makes for a more enjoyable conversation and a deeper connection.
5. They don’t judge
They listen attentively and make sure you feel heard. They want to know everything about you and they remember the little things. They make you feel comfortable in your own skin. Good listeners are respectful and they do not pass judgment on the speaker or try to change their opinion.
Instead, they accept them for who they are and they provide a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. As a result, quality listening is an essential skill that can benefit both parties involved in a conversation.
6. They repeat back what they heard
A good listener is someone who is not only attentive, but also able to understand and effectively repeat back what they have heard. This is an important quality to have in both personal and professional relationships.
In order to be a good listener, it is important to restate what has been said in order to ensure that you have correctly understood the speaker. By taking the time to truly listen to others, you can build stronger relationships and foster more effective communication.
7. They clarify
A major quality of a good listener is the ability to clarify.
Oftentimes, people will speak without fully articulating their thoughts, leading to confusion on the part of the listener. A good listener, however, will take the time to clarify what the speaker is trying to say.
This may involve asking questions or paraphrasing the speaker’s remarks. By taking the time to clarify, a good listener shows that they are engaged in the conversation and are truly interested in understanding what the other person is saying.
8. They give their undivided attention
One of the qualities of a good listener is the ability to give undivided attention. Listening is more than just hearing what the other person is saying. It’s about understanding the message and being present in the moment.
When we’re fully present, we’re able to connect with the speaker on a deeper level and engage in meaningful conversation. This requires us to put aside our own thoughts and biases (phones and technology) and really listen to what the other person is saying.
Only then can we truly understand their perspective and build strong relationships.
9. They listen with their whole body
Listening is an essential skill for both personal and professional success. While it may seem easy, quality listening is actually quite rare.
Good listeners are those who not only hear the words that are being said, but who also pay attention to the speaker’s body language and tone of voice.
They understand that communication is more than just the exchange of words, and they make an effort to truly understand the message that the other person is trying to communicate.
10. They show they are interested
Good listeners are able to show that they are interested in what the speaker has to say by making eye contact, nodding their head, and asking questions. They also make sure to pay attention to both the words that are being said and the body language of the speaker. By doing this, they are able to understand the speaker’s message more clearly and respond accordingly.
If you want to be a better listener, start by working on these qualities. With practice, you’ll be able to improve your listening skills and better understand the people you communicate with.
If you don’t feel like you have all of these qualities, don’t worry. You can always work on becoming a better listener on the ones that you need a little work on. Just remember that it’s important to be patient, respectful, and interested in the conversation. With practice, you can become a great listener in no time!!