One of the things that is completely lost in marriages today is the gift of being a serving wife.
Bible study and reading Bible verses of Jesus is our perfect example of how we are to live and He washed the disciples feet. He was constantly sacrificing His time, energy, efforts, and ultimately His life for us in such a beautiful and serving way.
Likewise, we should all be serving people, like Jesus was and is, whether man or woman, and I want to add that we should do so out of a WILLING heart, out of obedience to God, not out of duty or obligation, but out of love and respect for both our husband and Jesus Christ.
And just in case you’re wondering, if you happen to be married to a jerk of a husband, this doesn’t disqualify God’s command to us. Just because your husband is a tyrant, doesn’t negate the responsibility to serve Him. My ex-husband was the worst of the worst, always trying to bait me to fall as a Christian.
It’s not easy, in those cases to be a serving wife of such a monster and I get it, I lived it, but it CAN and still SHOULD be done. The Holy Spirit inside of you is there to help you navigate through your every day life and help you to become the sanctified and beautiful woman He wants you to become.
It takes a lot of practice, it takes hard work, but it is still so foundational to your being a godly woman. There’s just no going around it…if you want to have a godly marriage, you need to be a serving wife (and a serving person). It is pinnacle.
So, how do you do that? How do you serve your husband when your flesh doesn’t want to, and why should you even if your husband is a total jerk?
Let’s find out!
How to Be a Serving Wife
I’ll be completely honest…you don’t have the best marriage you COULD have, if you are not actively serving your husband and those around you.
I know that goes against the culture, our friends, and even our own flesh, but it is absolutely true.
Many people get married and they think about all the ways that marriage and a new husband can benefit THEM. Am I right?
We think:
- I won’t have to be alone.
- I’ll have someone there to fill my needs.
- Someone to hold me when I cry.
- Someone to be there to encourage me.
- Someone to shower me with their love.
- Someone to sacrifice for me.
- Someone to help me get through hard times.
Our culture has become so me-centered.
It’s not just our kids who say, “Gimme, gimme, gimme, me, me, me,” all day long. It’s us, too. But as a godly wife, we must put away our own desires for the needs of another.
Read that again.
We must put away our own DESIRES for the NEEDS of another.
I’m NOT saying to put your own needs at risk for someone. To deny your own needs for someone else. For example, God doesn’t ever expect us to give away all our grocery money for the month to feed the homeless and then we ourselves starve to death and die. The Bible acknowledges we have needs and those needs must be met.
What the Bible IS saying is to put away our wants for the sake of those around us, especially our husbands as he is our first priority in our human existence, right below Christ.
You already understand this as a mom…
Your 6-month-old baby is lying there crying. What do you do? Most likely, you’re going to pick her up. You hold her, feed her, comfort her; you tend to her needs. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t showered in two days or slept since she was born. No seriously! All that matters is that you meet that need. It’s your inborn desire. You hop to it without even thinking twice! She’s crying, pick her up.
You husband is very much the same way. No, I’m not saying he’s a crying baby. What I AM SAYING is that he has needs, too. As a wife, do we hop to our feet to meet them without thinking twice? Or do we have this attitude that he can figure it out himself since he’s a big boy–he should be taking care of ME?
That kind of attitude will never lead to a godly marriage.
And what about the women who DO have godly men as a husband? I’ve seen some of them, take complete advantage of their husband’s kindness and godliness!
He’s out working his tail off every single day to provide a good life for his family and the wife is at home, messing around all day doing nothing and an hour before he comes home from work, she gets her buns moving, makes dinner and ACTS LIKE she’s been working so hard all day, when in fact, she’s not.
She does JUST enough to stay under the radar so he THINKS she’s been doing her job, but in fact, she hasn’t been. She’s wasting her life and not helping him or the family. She should be trying to make money on the side too, even if he takes care of the family, fully on his own financially, she should STILL be his helpmeet. She should TRY to help him. To relieve some of the burden off of him, but she’s not. Oh, she may have a little business that she pretends to care about and work for the Lord, but at the end of the day, she’s lazy, and God sees that and knows it. That marriage will lead to divorce, you can bet on it because all she’s doing is going through the motions and taking advantage of everyone around her, including her husband, and it’s not right.
My husband took off. After 14 years of marriage, one day he asked me to give up God or basically he was gone. Still yet, I said, “NO! I won’t give up God for you or anyone else.” And I didn’t. I can’t tell you that we had a godly marriage (I wasn’t saved at the time), but I CAN tell you that I was a godly wife (after I gave my life to the Lord). I CAN say that he had no complaints in me as a wife, even to this day. That he can’t say I didn’t serve him day and night, think of his needs before my own, suffer and sacrifice for him on a daily basis.
In being married to an utterly depraved sinner and my being a new Christian, he was very good at baiting me. Oh, he loved it. He loved to get my goat and tried daily to make me fall. But the thing is, the more he did it, the more I relied on God and the more Christ-like I became. I learned how to put someone else ahead of myself, even if I was mad at them. Even though his spirit fought mine day and night relentlessly. It was my job to serve him.
If you want to know the truth, the thing I miss most about being married, is the opportunity to serve another person in the context of marriage. I miss that more than anything. I love to serve! I have a gifting ministry, where I serve people in need in my hometown. Even while I suffer, I serve. I have this website, which feeds the people spiritual truths and a Christian printables shop also, where I serve churches by providing them with tools and resources to help the kids THEY serve.
Indeed, serving others is SOOOO important in a life on fire for Christ.
In that time with my ex-husband (again, he left because I wouldn’t give up God for him), I learned that it doesn’t matter what my husband does or doesn’t do, I have to be strong; I have to be a godly woman.
He has to answer to God for his OWN actions. I can’t let his actions sway mine, because I stand before God for my own. I can’t use him as an excuse to sin, as an excuse to not be a godly woman.
Before God, I stand or fall for my own actions. I doubt God is going to take the excuse, “It’s all HIS fault!” Right?! I mean, Adam tried that in the garden of Eden (the woman YOU gave me – blameshifting to God) and it didn’t work then and it’s not going to work with us today.
We are accountable for our own actions. I can’t get caught up in what my husband is doing or not doing. I can’t wait for him to come around, wait for him to want Christ, wait for him to want ME. God calls women to serve their families, plain and simple, and that is what we must do.
Being married isn’t about us. THIS LIFE…isn’t about US.
This life, our lives are about Christ.
Pointing others to Him.
What better way can you be a light on a hill shining brightly, than to serve someone who doesn’t deserve it?!?! And trust me, none of us do deserve it!
The more you serve your husband (and others around you), the more you will see their rough sides soften. The more you will genuinely see them start to think about YOU. Even the most callous person can see you genuinely wanting to serve them and more often then not, they will start to serve you back. But even if they never do, you know you stand before God as a godly wife, serving all those you meet.
Jesus, King of King and Lord of Lords, washed His followers’ feet. He set the example then, and you can set the example to all you know now.
Will you serve your husband?
Will you consider his needs from a different perspective?
Will you commit to meeting his needs above your own needs?
Will you ask God to make you into the woman that He has called you to be? To sanctify you, purify you, wash you.
I stand here waiting for the opportunity that I could serve in such a way that you can TODAY…that one day I will be married again too. Will you take that opportunity that you have now in your life to grow and be more Christ-like? To serve others and be the woman God wants you to be, starting first, with your first human priority relationship…your husband.
Relationship priorities as a woman:
- God
- Husband
- Children
- Home
- Outside Family / In-Laws
- Friends
- The World at Large
Start serving your husband first, once you have that down, move on down the list. How can you serve your children more (usually women have that down right away, just naturally in being a mom)? Then, your home. Is it tidy, clean, managed well? Then your outside family. How can you serve them more? Your in-laws: what can you do to brighten their day? Then your friends? How can you be a better friend, being there for them, and then, the world at large (example: my website, printables shop, courses site, gifting ministry).
It takes quite a while to get there, I assure you. I didn’t get here overnight. It took YEARS of practicing and learning to serve others, managing my time WELL so that I have TIME to serve the seventh priority on the list and to do it well, pleasing to the Lord, but I did it. And this is what a godly, on fire for Christ, serving life looks like. It’s what God wants all women to be. ❤️ Start slow. Start with wherever you are in that list, and then, start serving!!!