“I’m a single mom and my son has severe separation anxiety. How do I handle this?”
You have to understand that he’s been abandoned. He doesn’t have a dad and he may be at that age where he’s realizing it. “Oh, other people have a dad, I don’t. That’s not normal to not have a dad. Everyone else has a dad”, so it’s like an awareness type of thing and he’s trying to cope with it.
He might be thinking, “Well, maybe I did something to make my dad leave. What if I did? What if I make mom leave?” There could be a lot of fears there. He lost his dad and doesn’t really understand why. Will he also lose you?
So he’s “checking” with you every 5 minutes, so to speak, because he’s afraid that he might do something to make you leave; ou won’t come back then he’s all alone. It’s fear and he may not even realize it; he probably doesn’t.
The best things to do, would be to continue to tell him EVERY DAY how much you love him, that as much depends on you, you will never leave him. You promise that you’re always there for him and just continually reassure him.
Let him be clingy because if you push him away, it’s just feeding into his fear that he’s doing something to make you leave. He will think, “Why doesn’t mom want me? Why doesn’t she love me?” Just continue to REASSURE him, all through the day, “Hey I’m here, I love you, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, I love you.”
I think it’s more about reassurance than anything. Be clingy BACK! I know you have to work, I know you have a million things to do as a single mom and I get that, believe me! But, involve him MORE in what you do. Can you find a “job”, a task for him to do, that while you’re working, he can help? what can he do to help you more? Can he empty the dishwasher while you’re doing something?
The more helpful he feels, the more he will feel connected to you. Like you need him, you want him, he’s valuable to you. Remember that it’s just a stage right now, but an important one. He needs to feel like you’re not going to leave, so just continue to work on that. Lots of extra cuddles, go up to him without him coming to you, and say, “I love you, gimme a hug,” or “Can I cuddle with you?”
YOU go to him, you pursue him. You be more clingy to him. He probably feels the need to feel wanted. His dad doesn’t want him or he’d be there, in his mind. He left. So he’s worried you don’t love him either.
This also might be the beginning of him developing his personality and we should cultivate that, not run from it.
I am a VERY clingy person. It’s who I am. I want to always be with my future husband. I don’t want him to leave ever. I don’t want him to work outside the home. I’ve been left…my whole life. My dad’s abandoned us. My ex-husband. My church, my friends. I mean, I’ve been abandoned, so I’m clingy. I’m not ashamed of it. I LIKE that I’m clingy. I think it makes me a better person. 💯
With my future husband, I dream of just laying in bed holding each other and cuddling all day long at least one day a week. ❤️ It’s my favorite (my love language), so I understand how he could be feeling and at that age, not being able to even realize it or put it into words how he’s feeling. Is physical touch or quality time (cuddling with you, holding you, being around you, etc.) his love language? Is that how HE reads love?
I think that at certain times in our lives, everyone goes through a clingy stage. Don’t you miss/want to have a man hold you again? I know that you do. We all wanna be clingy at times. It’s not bad, or weird, or wrong! we just need that, we need to be loved. we ALL do. ❤️ He’s okay. Nothing is wrong with him. It’s normal to want to be wanted.
That’s kinda how he’s feeling. Scared, fear, scared of abandonment, needing love. Soak up that time, enjoy it, because kids grow WAY too fast and pretty soon, he’ll be gone and you’ll never get those precious, tender moments back! Enjoy the stage that he’s in, treasure it! It leaves way too quickly!